Mind Control Me
by practice
Summary: Vriska uses the ring of life to switch bodies with Dirk. Meanwhile, Calliope arrives on Vriska's old ship, seeking answers about Matespritship. Can Dirk learn to fend off Lord English (and find love) in time to save Paradox Space? Will Vriska be able to get her body back? Read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

A song interrupted the cackles of the seagulls. Vriska looked up from the ring of life, trying to discern the source of the noise. It came from the air a few feet left of the middle of the ship, and though the song had no specific tune, each note hinted of an entire opera behind it. Tavros, Sollux, John, Aradia, and even a few nearby Kankris shuffled toward the sound. The air around it began to waver, distorting Vriska's view of the rainbow sea behind it.

Vriska ignored the noise, letting her shipmates worry about such boring affairs. She slid the ring onto her third finger, grinning. A pleasurable heat came over her and her leg twitched unconsciously.

The last thing she saw was a young troll with ruffled white hair landing on Tavros, knocking his face into the bottom of his mop. Then the world turned as blue as a highblood's blush. No boat stretched under her feet and no sky closed in her world. The blue looked one moment like a smooth wall in front of her face and the next like an infinite ocean meeting a blue sky. As a test, she spit into the void. Her saliva hovered and contorted without falling.

"Select your body," said a low, growling voice. Vriska turned back and forth, far more concerned about this noise's origin than that of the music. The act of looking up contorted her entire body upwards, though the tails of her beloved blue flarping coat stuck to her former position. At least a mile above her, a tiny purple line twisted like a ribbon.

Four human children materialized before her eyes, starting with their stomachs and expanding outward. They stood perfectly still. Their stares seemed fixed on something miles behind her and though their eyes had pupils, their chests stayed still. All four wore identical expressions of boredom. She reached out to touch the one wearing Lord English's symbol and her hand fell through him as if he were a hologram.

"Theight one," she said, pointing at random to the one with the sword. With her luck, she would probably get the best one, the one to win aaaaaaaall of the treasure.

She blinked to find herself face to face with a ten-foot red stone in the middle of a dark, hilly pasture.


	2. Chapter 2

"You're the thing!" said Aradia.

A small group of Beforus trolls peered up from their jobs, dropped their brooms and maps, and gathered around Calliope, rubbing their foreheads and moaning. Behind her, a hatch opened in the deck, letting up several more. A Porrim took the time to breathe in the sea air while a Horuss stretched like a cat in the morning. His leather shoulder strap snapped from the exertion. Calliope's melody came to a slow halt, though it still rang in the ears of the trolls around her.

"We've been looking all over for you!" said Aradia.

Calliope looked around nervously. She picked herself off of Tavros and stood up, thanking the candy-coated constellations she hadn't landed on the tip of one of his horns.

"I don't think I'm the thing," she said, dropping the pitch of her voice to disguise it.

"But you're-" she ran over and stuck her hand into Aradia's mouth. "Mmm mmmmph mmmm." Aradia's fangs scraped against her wrist, drawing a thick drop of lime-green blood. She withdrew her hand, made a face at its new saliva coating, and held it against her chest.

The small surrounding crowd let out a simultaneous gasp. A Cronus dropped his cigarette onto the deck, where it rolled until it lodged itself between two wooden slats.

"I am a lime-blooded troll from an especially obscure alternate timeline," she said, looking around nervously. Her speech patterns changed to meet her new identity. "I recently met one of the cherubs of Aranea's tale, so the scent may have rubbed off on me. My name is Ca - Carios Abomat. I need to speak with Vriska Serket."

Every eye on the ship focused on her. Even though her illusion was at full strength, their gazes still seemed to see straight through to her hideous core. _What if I unknowingly made my illusion just as ugly? _she thought, her head slumping. More trolls rose from the bowels of the ship to join the gawkers.

Aranea looked around in a panic before pressing her hands together and gritting her teeth in what appeared to be deep concentration. The muscles on the crowd of trolls slackened and they stood still, no longer staring at Calliope or muttering amongst themselves.

"Vriska," said Tavros as he untangled the mop strands from his horns and flicked them to the ground, "I think, if you are okay with it, there's a troll that might, uh, want to make contact,"

Five Mitunas and a Rufioh shuffled out of the way to give Calliope a clear sight of Vriska bent over against the stern, her hands on her knees.

Calliope stepped slowly forward, her fingers clasped together and her eyes darting from side to side. Vriska stared at her blankly, as if her illusory troll nose had collapsed into a nasty cherub indentation. Calliope then leaned over and whispered into Vriska's ear.

"Hi. You've been looking for me. My name is actually Calliope! Even though I'm quite scared of my dear brother, I'd be willing to help you if that's what it takes to keep all of existence intact. There has to be one rule though: you must implant the ability to feel red love in my head. I need to know what it feels like! Mind control me, Vriska."

Vriska looked around, squinting. "I have mind control powers?"


	3. Chapter 3

Blades of grass pressed against Vriska's hands. The smell of fresh dirt assaulted her nose while a chilly night time breeze ruffled her short hair. Red, crumbling rocks lay in a circle against a dark background of grass and sky. Reaching up to feel her head, she found its skin soft and its hair hornless. A pair of sunglasses rested atop her nose, which she quickly took off. Short, wobbly legs stretched out in front of her.

An iphone buzzed three inches from her hand. She grabbed it, noticing her hand's new brown coloration and long fingers. On the screen, a message stood ready to send. It consisted of the lame, boring whining of a lame, boring boy to his mildly more interesting boyfriend. She erased everything timaeusTestified wrote and thought for a second before leaving her own message.

Heeeeeeeey, GT! Do you like 8ventures?

I, timaeusTestified, am interested in the m8ther of all 8ventures, unlike the l8me stuff you've done with me 8efore. Meet me 8y this red rock circle at 5:00 sharp. I'll 8e w8ing! :::;)

She put the phone in her pocket, smiling to herself. New humans could only mean new fun. She hoisted herself to a stand and stretched her limbs.

Only one thing was left to do: explore for treasure. Choosing a direction at random, she began to walk. Hills and mounds comprised the entire landscape. Some towered fifty yards off the ground while others were small enough to trip her up as she explored.

#

A noise like grinding bones poked her ears from behind her. She whirled around, expecting her flarping coat to flare dramatically behind her before realizing she had on only a white cotton t-shirt and a pair of dark pants. The skull of what looked like a ogre floated in midair and peeked from behind a nearby hill. It moved out to face her, revealing a grey, skeletal body. Small flakes of bone peeled from it and fluttered to the ground as it moved.

"You wanna play like that?" Vriska asked, reaching for her Flourite Octet to find it missing from the human's strife specibus. She focused her psychic powers only to realize that this body had none. The skeleton ogre pawed the ground twice before charging. Vriska ducked to the side and rolled up the hill, sliding back down to land on the creature's back.

"Let's see wheight kind of strife specibus you have, human!" she shouted. A katana appeared in her hands, reminding her of Mindfang's famed sword Destroyarr, the greatest blade to ever fight in Alternian waters.

Recovering from its initial shock, the ogre shook back and forth, trying to loosen her grip. She looped her arm around a rib and slashed at it with her other hand. The sword clanked against the monster's bones, leaving only a slight scratch. No way she could keep this up long enough to defeat the beast without taking heavy damage in her weak new body. She dropped from its rib, sword in hand, and took off in a sprint. The skeleton clacked after her, churning up dirt and grass with its enormous footsteps.

A green glow shone over a hill to her left, growing brighter until its source topped the crest. Three horns, red and blue glasses, and a hideous scarf adorned the troll-sprite that floated slowly towards her. One of his arms raised itself to greet Vriska. A single finger stood like a soldier on the battlefield of his hand, mourning its fallen comrades.

As soon as she realized the combination of Sollux and Eridan didn't threaten her, she ran again, dodging left and right to confuse her pursuer.

"Hey, Diirk," he said.

"Go away! I'm busy!" she said, ducking to avoid getting stomped. "Weight! No! Don't actually leave. Come back, I need your help. Go use your spreight powers or whatever to destroy this thing!"

"Vvriis?" asked Erisolsprite. He sighed, raised a second middle finger, and shot a bright green beam at the ogre from between his hands. Both Vriska and the ogre stopped in surprise. The ogre turned around and lumbered toward Erisolsprite. It made it five steps before succumbing to the green flames. Build grist shot out in all directions and a large piece of amber knocked Vriska to the ground before disappearing.

"Eridan-Sollux sprite guy!" said Vriska as she stood up and shook the dirt off her clothes.

"Iit's Eriisolspriite," he said. His middle fingers had not retreated after the beam stopped.

"Weight-ever! Where am I? This place is boring. All monsters and no treasure."

"Thiis iis the Land of Mounds and Xenon. Jake's land. You wwere lookiing for hiim so you could kiiss or hug or wwhatevver human boys havve fun doiing. At least, you wwere untiil you turned iinto Vvriiska."

"Where's the nearest geight out of here?"

"Ii could take you up to LOCAH. That's wwhere Jake iis now. He left riight before you came to go hang wwiith Roxy and Jane. Spriites aren't supposed to liift people up to the gates but wwhatevver. You're not Jake so iit doesn't really matter."

"Take me up, then!" she said.

A small tendril of light shot from Erisolsprite's middle finger and lander on Vriska's right shoulder. It lifted her roughly and dragged her through the air. Ogre and basilisk skulls poked out from the hills below to look up. As more of the ground was revealed, she could see that the stone circle she woke up in was one of several. The verdant LOMAX hills seemed to be striated with patches of darker and lighter green. An enormous purple mist clouded the horizon.

After a few minutes of awkward motion, Vriska and Erisolsprite finally arrived at Jake's house. He dunked her into a pulsating gate and wandered off behind a large hill.

"Hey, losers! I'm here to storm your world!" she shouted as she landed on a rooftop.


End file.
